It is said that puns are the lowest form of humour, but in actual fact, mere wordplay — mostly failed attempts at puns — is the worst. The intent of this page is to record my worst of the worst, the most vile tortures of the language (mostly English, but language abuse knows no bounds); along with various other vague attempts at levity.

  • In a bakery, there is a Master Baker, Bakers, and Apprentice Bakers. This is known as a “Hierarchy of Kneads”.
  • The completion of a Greek salad: a Fetaaccompli.


  • Mathematics is truth; reality is an approximation.
  • Surfing the net: “All links lead to roam.”
  • Whoever said that “there is a fine line between genius and insanity” was neither a genius nor insane. There is a grey area that incorporates both.
  • There’s nothing quite as satisfying as being called an a**hole by a scalper.